Amae

There is a Japanese word for a concept that has perhaps no equivalent in English.  Amae means relying full on the good will and generousity of another. It has a connotation of taking love for granted, assuming it will always be there, as a child of a doting parent.

As a child, did you ever visit a friend’s house and felt like they had unlimited access to video games and the snack pantry? …with only occassional and distant check-in from mom or dad, who drops in to bring freshly-baked cookies? I remember part of me said to myself “Oh man, they have so much freedom!”

Of course in time we learn that love without expectations isn’t really love…  the one who set boundaries or conditions on free access to their goods actually does it for our good.

But when we hear the truths of eternity, and when the requirements of repentance are set forth for us, I notice in myself at times a vector of resistance. 

“God wouldn’t require me to do that, would he?”

We feel a spiritual Amae, and we might reason “We are children of God so He’s got our back, so whatever we do, things will all work out.”

Some truths in that statement sooth our cognitive discomfort about the one lie in it: the “Whatever we do” part, the need to repent.

Truly God does want us to trust Him, rely on Him fully. To feel fully safe in His arms.

It’s just that we have some work to do to choose His arms.

If we are dishonest,

if we seek riches more than Him,

if we don’t care for others in need,

if we trust our own knowledge more than His,

if we are unwilling to humble ourselves to His authority to define right and wrong,

if we seek sexual pleasure or social relief more than obedience to His laws,

then we cheat our own souls.

“O, my beloved brethren, remember the awfulness in transgressing against that Holy God, and also the awfulness of yielding to the enticings of that cunning one. Remember, to be carnally-minded is death, and to be spiritually-minded is life eternal.” 2 Nephi 9:39

The moment we turn His direction the lifelines of His grace can help us move toward safety.  Tethered to Him we can feel safe enough to make our honest mistakes, to be sincerely open about our struggles. The safety net of the Atonement of Jesus Christ works marvelously well, but only as we maintain active coverage in His insurance plan: to make covenants with Him and strive to keep them.

We can feel a sense of Amae; knowing we will make some mistakes and still be loved, still safe in His household.

But let us be cautious of the false hope of a universal Amae without requirements, without covenants and repentance.

Over time that would cause us to lose our divine heritage and character as children of God.

God loves us too much to grant that.